Merlin

This beautiful boy is Merlin! He’s a young guy who lives in California.

His owner, Corinne wrote,
I would really like to find out what I can do to help him with his trust issues. He still seems to not trust me all the way after almost a year.
He also has some fear issues, not sure where they’re coming from, and not sure what I can do to help. He is very flighty, and has jumped a few times but he was always VERY careful to give me plenty of room and not jump on top of me.
Since he is a rescue, I don’t know what his background is, or if he has had any abuse/accidents.
I’m really just wanting to know what I can do to help him to become the awesome partner/riding horse I know he can be.

This is an excellent example of the kinds of information that are helpful for a reading. It’s always good for a reader to understand a client’s intentions for their animal companion.

It’s common for rescue horses to have been abused, or at least, to have been neglected. Horses coming off a feedlot have had a terrible experience of being ripped away from their home, and placed with horses that know that they are going to slaughter. It’s a death camp. Some horses handle it better than others.

I often think I know what the horse is going to say. I make assumptions before the contact,and then find out that I am wrong.  I thought I’d hear that Merlin was started too young, and was beaten. I found out that he had an entirely different experience.

When I first touched base with Merlin, I talked with him for over an hour. Here’s the transcript of that conversation (Merlin’s words are in bold):

B: Merlin, I’d like to talk with you.

Immediately, I feel a fear rising in my belly. Merlin’s energy feels faint. That’s weird.

B: Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you.

Merlin: I’m afraid.

B: Merlin, are you afraid of me?

Merlin: Yes. And I am afraid of spiders.

(Merlin shows me a picture of himself covered in spiders, with spiders crawling all over him. His white body is completely covered).

B: Did this really happen?

Merlin: Yes.

B: Were you dreaming?

Merlin: Yes. It was a waking dream.

B: Did this happen in real life?

Merlin: No.

I think that was a hallucination.

B: Okay, take a deep breath, Merlin.

Merlin: Okay

I take a deep breath too.

B: Better?

Merlin: Better.

B: The spiders are not going to get you.

Merlin: Okay.

I can tell that Merlin is not entirely convinced that the spiders are not going to get him.

B: Tell me what happened.

Merlin: I was in my stall and I was just standing there, and I had some water, and then I looked and I was covered in spiders.

B: What did you do?

Merlin (upset): What did I do? I didn’t do anything. I was covered in spiders.

B: No, I don’t mean what you did to cause the spiders, I mean, what did you do when you were covered in spiders.

Merlin: I left.

B: You left?

Merlin: I left my body.

I reach out to feel Merlin. He is way up in his upper chakras.

B: Okay, so now you need to get back in your body.

Merlin: What if the spiders come back?

B: They won’t. That was a hallucination. I think you ate something that didn’t agree with you.

(I send out love, and feel Merlin gently filling back into his body. I get an immediate pain sensation on an upper left molar, Also pain in right shoulder and middle of the back).

B: Better?

Merlin: Yes.

B: Take a deep breath. Deep breath.

We breathe together.

Merlin: This feels weird.

B: Yep. I know. Feel less scared?

Merlin: Yes.

B: Let’s take a few more deep breaths together. You’re bigger than I thought you were, Merlin.

Merlin: Yes. Yes I’m big.

Merlin shows me his big hip and backside.

B: Okay, first, I’d like to check your body out, and see how you’re feeling. Can I do that?

Merlin: What if something’s wrong?

B: The vets can probably fix it.

Merlin: What if she wants to get rid of me?

B: She won’t do that, Merlin. Please, can I check? Your mom wants to help you feel healthy.

He shows me a pre-purchase vet exam and people not wanting him. People looking at his teeth and his left front leg. He shows me people walking away. He was sold at auction. He liked his home.

B: Merlin, your mom thinks the world of you. She loves you.

Merlin: She doesn’t know me. If she did, she wouldn’t want me.

B: That’s not true. You know that’s not true. Are you afraid?

Merlin: Of course I’m afraid. What if this all goes to shit?

(I love it when horses use a phrase like that. They are so real, no sugar-coating here).

B: You know your mom loves you.

Merlin: I know. But I am afraid of being hurt.

B: You have to let go of that fear and feel joy. Do you know what joy feels like?

He shows me a picture of something green growing out of his 3^rd chakra.

B: Yes. See. Wouldn’t you rather feel that?

Merlin: Yes. But it could get taken away.

B: Yes, but probably not. Your mom is committed to you, and she wants you to be healthy. Let’s see what’s going on. Okay?

Merlin: No.

B: Come on. I bet there’s not much wrong with you.

I feel Merlin’s sadness.

B: Come on, buddy, it’s going to be all right.

Merlin gives a big sigh.

Merlin: Okay. How does this work?

B: I’m going to run my energy through your body, looking for pain points and darkness and then we can talk about it.

Merlin: Darkness?

B: Yes, but you probably don’t have any. Deep Breath, buddy.

We take deep breaths.

B: Okay?

Merlin: Okay

Minor teeth pain, not feeling sharp pain in molar anymore. pain in right chest muscle. Slightly achy back and right shoulder. It feels like worry boy has a small ulcer on his right side. Legs feel fine. Thirsty. Tired and anxious. A little darkness in his chest. Does he have a heart murmur? Nothing major right now, but keep an eye on it. I tried to draw the darkness out and to the ground. Lighter and better. I think it’s something in his energy field and not actually on his chest.

B: See, Merlin, there’s nothing wrong with you. Did you show me everything?

Merlin: Yes.

B: You seem anxious.

Merlin: Yes.

B: Okay, well, I didn’t see anything for you or your mom to worry about.

Merlin: Okay.

B: Your mom wants me to talk with you about your fear issues. She wants to know what she can do to make you feel stronger and more at ease.

Merlin: I need to know that I will never be let go. I want to spend more time with …

He shows me a little sorrel horse. It’s Arrow!

(I’ve met Arrow before, and he is a lovely boy. It’s nice to see his face again.)

B: Okay, can I show you some techniques to help you feel less afraid?

Merlin: Yes.

B: Okay, do you have all four hooves on the floor?

Merlin: I’m distracted. Somebody is here with me.

B: Okay, I’ll check back with you later.

I wait about 5 minutes.

Merlin: It’s okay now.

B: Okay, all four hooves on the floor?

Merlin: Yes.

B: Imagine that your hooves have magnets on them, and they are pulling down into the earth. Feel the earth under your hooves. Can you feel it?

Merlin: Yes.

B: You are strong and the earth supports you. Now take a deep breath, and breathe all the way into your hooves. Breathe into your strong legs. You are strong like a bull. Even when your hooves are not on the floor, you carry the strength of earth with you. Whenever you feel anxious, bring yourself back to this place. You are a strong powerful horse.

Merlin: My back legs are powerful.

B: Yes.

Merlin: I see myself as an air horse, not an earth horse.

B: Yes, but it’s okay to have a little earth to support you. You’ve been an air horse for a long time, and too much air makes you anxious.

B: Your mom really wants you to be her partner. She wants to feel safe. You know what it feels like to be abandoned. We all do. Many of us have been abandoned too. Because you know what it feels like, you know how to protect others from it too.

Merlin: What can I do? If Arrow goes away or Mom goes away. What can I do?

B: Your mom made a forever commitment to you. Would it help if she told you that?

Merlin: Yes. I need to hear it from her.

B: I think she’s told you already.

Merlin: I know but I need to hear it again.

He pauses.

Merlin: She is happy to see me.

B: Yes, she is.

Merlin: She loves me.

B: Of course she does.

Merlin: I don’t want to let her down.

B: Merlin, this isn’t the same as it was before. Your mom loves you and wants what’s best for you. You aren’t a tool or a means to an end. You’re her horse.

Merlin: Why did she want me?

B: I don’t know her specific reasons. You are a beautiful horse. I can find out for you.

Merlin: That would help.

B: Okay, I’ll find out and then I’ll get back in contact with you.

Merlin: Okay.

Later, I called Corinne, and she talked to Merlin through me. She told him that she thought he looked very intriguing, and that she thought he was a beautiful boy. They talked about training together, and what he wants to do when he’s done training. By the end of it, Merlin told me that he knew how much his mom loved him. He was very happy. He kept repeating it, “My mom loves me.”  I am really happy that it sunk in.