We’re going through this right now, as our college-aged kid has moved out of the house.

Four out of five of our pets are fine with it. Our dog, Olive, is not.  Nobody consulted her about Rubin’s move.

Olive has suddenly forgot how to be house-trained, and she’s needy, needy, needy. She needs her blankie. She needs to sit between my sweetheart and I on the couch every evening. She needs lots of attention. Her boy is gone and she is needy.

Olive

Ugh. It breaks my heart.

So I’m going to take 5 posts to explain to you how I’m helping my pet, and how you can help yours through times of transition.

The Five Stages of Change

There are five stages of change that we all go through, whenever a change occurs. You have to go through them all. You don’t get to skip any. If you skip one of these steps, life will be difficult.

They are:

The Calm/Stuck
This is the stage before the change. Either you are in a lull in your life, or you are preparing for the change.

The Boom
This is the change.

Coming to Terms
This is where you bring all the parts back together from the change, and make sure that you’re okay. This is also the part where you say goodbye to the things that you are leaving behind.

Chaos/Creation
This is the craziness that ensues as you start living in your changed world

The New Thing
This is where you start to feel the rhythm of the new life that you are leading.

Change can be positive or negative, but it’s usually both

Change is emotional. The Boom can be positive (I won a million dollars!) or negative (my cat moved away!). It’s usually both. There are usually good and bad things about every change.

People and Pets are the Same

They feel very similar things at each point of the change.

Pets and humans react according to their natural logic with change. So, you might decide that you need a cocktail or to go for a run upon learning that your company is relocating you to Pittsburgh.

Your dog may need to eat the sofa to relieve the stress that he’s feeling. It’s the same thing.

They do the same things we do. Their logic may be different than ours.

For example, these days, Olive is pooping in the house. Who used to walk her? Rubin, the kid who moved out. Are other people walking her? Of course. With her logic, if she poops in the house, maybe Rubin will come home and walk her.

This logic is maddening! If your pet is stressing from a change and doing weird things, take a look at their logic. Compare it to how you react with a change. You’ll probably find some similarities.

We’re going to spend the next 10 days exploring each stage. I’m going to give you advice about how to handle each stage as it comes, for you and your pet, and also, for how to interact with your pet.

Stage One: The Prechange, the calm or the stuck

This is what happens before the change.
Maybe, you’ve planned the change, or maybe the change is unbidden.
If this isn’t a planned change, and if you pay attention, you can feel the air thicken. You might be able to tell that something is going to change, but you also might wonder what exactly is going to happen. This can feel scary.

Pets often know that something is going to happen long before we do. We’ve seen animals get crazy before a storm approaches. Change works the same way.

Or they know that something is going to happen before we show signs of it. I hear this from my clients a lot: How does my pet know that we’re going on vacation before I even get the suitcases out?

Pets are sensitive to changes in energy. They aren’t always so good at making a correlation between the energy they feel and a cognitive understanding of the change that is about to occur. That is, they know something is up, but they’re never quite sure what that something is…

So, for example, if you’re pregnant, they might understand that your lap is changing, and also that you are, ahem, emotional. They probably don’t get that you’re about to bring a new person into the world.

How to help your pet before the change

If you know about the change, this is a really important time!

You need to do four things:
1. Keep the same routine
Try to feed your pet at the same time. Or let them out the same way you usually do. Pets need normalcy. If you feel like you don’t have a routine, look to see what kind of routine you have before you go about implementing a routine. Odds are, you have a routine, you’re just not aware of it. Do that routine!
2. Talk to your pet about the change
Really. With words. From your mouth. Be reassuring. Let them know about how things will be the same and how they will be different. Repeat this often. Let it sink in.
3. Plan an easy transition for the change for your pet
If you’re having a baby, let the pet see the baby’s room. Bring home something from the hospital that smells like the baby. Plan how your pet is going to meet the baby. Plan, plan, plan!
4. Don’t worry
Relax. It’s going to be all right. Often, since our pets can pick up our energy, but aren’t so great about context, they will know that you are worried about something, but have no idea what exactly you are worried about. This is stressful.

If you don’t know about the change, but see a bit of a dip in your pet’s daily behavior, you need to do three things.
1. Keep the same routine
2. Add some extra nurturing
Play a little more ball. Give your pet a massage. Spend more time at home. This is a time to build them up.
3. Don’t worry.

You’ll notice that two of the things are the same for both lists. Easy, do-able, they just take some focus and effort.

How We Helped Olive Before the Change

Her boy, Rubin, just moved across town, so he comes over for dinner at least once a week. And she hasn’t really forgiven him yet.

Hindsight is 20/20, and that’s why I’m sharing this with you!

Okay, that’s today’s post. Stay tuned for Sunday when I talk about how to deal with your pet during The Boom!

So, when a mutual acquaintance introduced me to Jane Wiedlin, I was a little starstruck.

I told my friend, Woods, about it.  He said, “Tell Jane that she’s always been my favorite Go-Go!”

I said, “I bet she gets that A LOT.”

“Yeah,” he said.

I’ve had famous clients before, and I think it’s important to respect the privacy of these clients, but Jane is so kind, she told me that I could her dogs’ experience and also, I think they have an interesting story to tell beyond the fact that they are Jane’s dogs.

Meet Malcolm and Angus

That’s Malcolm on the Left and Angus on the Right.

They are brothers and they had several homes before Jane adopted them.

Jane calls them her “two-headed hydra” because they go to the dog park and sometimes they terrorize other dogs.  Also, they were upset when they had to meet new people. Could we work something out?

I talked with Malcolm first. He was interesting.  He shared with me that he didn’t like people that “weren’t cool”.  He showed me someone that he thought was cool. He showed me a man with reddish brown hair and black framed glasses.  I wondered if the glasses were as prominent in real life as they seemed to Malcolm.  Malcolm said that this was Jane’s friend.

When I told Jane, she sent me this picture of her boyfriend Travis.  She thought it was funny that Malcom referred to Travis as her friend.

See! See the glasses?  Yeah, they are pretty awesome.

Little Dogs and Aggression

Malcolm told me that he didn’t like it when people treated him like “My Little Pony”.  He found that “emasculating”.  So, he didn’t like that.  Little dogs tend to be perceived as cute and sweet, and not as small but intelligent dogs.  When dogs have been treated this way, they start to act out.

Also, they are small, so being around big feet and being manhandled is stressful.

The Window

Angus told me that he “likes to express himself aggressively”.   He enjoys picking on smaller dogs.

I said, “Hey, those dogs have feelings. What do you think about that?”

Angus said, “Well they aren’t my feelings, so I guess I’m okay with it.”

Angus and Malcolm are not bad dogs.  They are dogs that lived in situations where they weren’t treated with respect. They didn’t learn about the feelings of others because their own feelings weren’t respected.

So, now, there is this window of appropriate behavior that Jane must find them in.  The window is when they aren’t acting out of fear and also when they aren’t acting out of a desire to “express themselves aggressively”.

I think, in time, they will learn to respect the feelings of others.  They’ll also learn that they are safe with Jane and Travis and the people in their home.

I suggested a positive training technique to lower their anxiety around new dogs and people.  It involves giving treats to Malcolm and Angus when they are in the presence of new dogs, but not so close to them that Jane can’t keep their attention.

I really enjoyed talking with these two.

Mellie had a son seven months ago, and Sherman was very hostile towards the baby. Mellie felt like she had no choice but to put her to sleep.

These choices are very hard.  Putting Sherman to sleep was not an easy decision. It was not made without much soul-searching.

Still, Mellie was not at peace.  Mellie felt horribly guilty and sad. She was in a deep state of grief.

Mellie hired an animal communicator to talk with Sherman on the other side.

Here’s what she wrote me:

I spoke to another animal communicator that I’d used in the past, soon after my dog passed. I was devastated by her communication. Sherman told me through her that I had made a grave mistake, that I misheard all the cues, that I wasn’t acting from my heart, and that I had betrayed her and was therefore now at a dead-end in my life. The trauma from that reading has added to my pain.

I’m hoping that perhaps we can mediate some of my dog’s pain and anger and I can gain some less tormenting insight and closure. I really do feel I did all I could before and after my son’s birth, and after he was 6 months old, Sherman was still becoming increasingly worse in her attempts to attack him – even though I could tell she didn’t “mean to” – it was like some switch was flipped towards only him. No other people aggression.

I felt so bad for her. To put a dog down, a beloved friend who was turning on her baby, and then to hear from an animal communicator that she wasn’t at peace.   I couldn’t tell if the animal communicator was just wrong, or if this dog was just in a really bad place.

It turns out that Sherman hadn’t crossed over.  She was angry and confused.

Here’s the email I sent back to Mellie:

The problem is not that you did the wrong thing.  The problem is that Sherman did not cross over.  So, you’ve got a confused and angry dog in a confused state. That’s why you got such an angry message and also why you haven’t had any peace.   Ugh. That’s terrible.

I just talked with Sherman and we got her crossed over.  She needed to understand that her bond with you was not in question or going away, but that her anger and pain needed to be handled by a higher source.

When I first contacted her, I found her in an old rail yard. She said, “I want Mellie here with me.” I said, “Mellie can’t come here. It wouldn’t be a safe place for her or the baby.”  Then Sherman got very upset and told me that nobody took care of her when she was a baby the way that Mellie takes care of  her baby.   So lots of jealousy and anger.

I located her light, and showed it to her, and it was a field of flowers, bright orange and yellow daisies.  She didn’t want to go into it. At first it was because she didn’t want to leave you. I let her know that once she was whole, she was going to be able to visit in spirit, and perhaps come back in another body. Then she had issues about her not being “good enough” for healing. I let her know that God makes little tenacious dogs for a reason, and that she was precious in her own way of being.

After she heard this, she stepped into the field, and made her way towards the light.

I  contacted Sherman a few days later. She shared with me that she was in a better place. She wanted to walk around with Mellie. I showed her how to follow her heart down to Mellie. It was good to see her at peace.  It turns out that she and Mellie have had several lifetimes together. They are kindred spirits.

If you have a deceased pet that’s angry, that’s spitting mad at you, you probably have a deceased pet who hasn’t crossed over.  It makes your grieving very difficult as you resonate their fear and anger in your emotional system.

I’m really happy that Mellie kept going, looking for a way to bring peace to a really difficult situation for her and for her dear friend.

As an intuitive animal communicator, I talk with pets of all kinds, and wild animals too. I work with people and their pets to solve behavioral issues and improve their relationships.

Olive and Bridget Pilloud

When I talk with an animal, it’s a multi-media experience.

I hear words.

I see pictures and movies.

Animals send me smells.

They send me tastes (lucky me! I know what fresh mouse tastes like. It is nothing like chicken).

I feel the emotions of animals.

I feel their physical sensations.

It’s always interesting!

Animals tell me about their lives with previous owners. They tell me what they like and don’t like. They tell me how much they love their owners. They tell me the details that matter to them.

Communication Wherever You Live

I’ve got clients from Singapore to Seattle…From Washington D.C. to Wales to Finland.  I can talk with with animals anywhere.  I use phone and Skype primarily to talk with owners.  If you live local to Portland, I work in-person as well.

Hire Me!

Get to know your pets better. Schedule a Consultation Today!

Horseshoe is pictured here with his friend Casey, who is, apparently, partial to blue hats.

Horseshoe and Casey

His friend, Sarah asked me to check in on Horseshoe today.

I spend a lot of time on the other side, talking with animals who have passed away, and I rarely cry. The other side is a happy place, a peaceful place, a place of joy.

Today, I cried.

I said, “Hey Horseshoe…”

and he said, “Hey! I’m kind of busy.”

I said, “What are you up to?”

and he showed me what looked like an airport gate. He showed dogs walking out of a door and into the bright light of the room. There were all kinds.

He said “These are the dogs that died without having anyone to grieve for them. I welcome them back.”

When animals reach the other side, they are whole again. I didn’t understand the expressions on some of the dogs’ faces. Some of these dogs looked ticked off. There was a black and tan dachshund with a cranky expression.

I said, “Why does that dog look so crabby?”

He said, “Many dogs feel bad that they didn’t have a human relationship. And they don’t remember why they were sent to earth in the first place. I’m here to remind them of their work.”

I asked, “What’s that?”

He said, “Their job is to teach compassion and love.”

I felt so many things when he said this. I had been talking with God the other day and he said that our job here was to learn compassion and love, and now to hear Horseshoe say it too, it just struck me.

And also, I felt guilty and angry at how many animals suffer while we try to learn these lessons.

And also, hopeful, thinking of all of the animals and people I know who have deep love for each other.

And of course, happy that Horseshoe is there to greet them.

It turns out, Binah  is a West Highland White Terrier.   Westies are the little generals of the canine world. They tend to be bossy and forthright and sometimes a little bit rude.

Binah is none of those things. She is the other kind of Westie, the one that is gracious and funny and excited and kind.

In fact, she got me to rethink my thoughts on the Westie, and also to give myself a little talking to about lumping a whole breed into one category. Goodness.

Binah passed away suddenly. Her Mum, Lynne, was quite distraught.

Her first question asked if Binah was okay. Binah came through loud and clear, “Of course!”

Then she wanted to know who Binah was with.

Binah showed me a big brownish-grey dog. They were in a field, with trees on the sides, birch trees. It looked like a crisp fall day. They were playing.

I told Binah’s owner this, and I just heard a little gasp, and then nothing. And then I heard, “That’s Calon!”

Calon was Lynne’s Irish wolfhound that had passed away before.

Then I started crying.

Calon is Welsh for “Heart”. So “Heart” and “Understanding” were playing in a field.

Binah’s Mum wondered if there was anything that they should have done to try to save Binah’s life.

Binah told us that it was her time to go, because she was going to go live with a boy in Sussex, who really needed her.

Everytime I asked Binah a question, I’d have to call her back from playing.  Her mum said that Binah was like that in real life too. At the park, every other second, Binah was distracted into playing, couldn’t keep her attention long at all.

It turns out Calon had a day off. He has a job in heaven. Many animals do. Calon’s job is to greet new arrivals, and show them around. I think it must be lovely to be met in heaven by a big wolfhound named “Heart”.

Anyway, Binah’s mum’s heart was put to rest that Binah was alive and happy and well and busy on the other side.

She asked one more question, “Did Binah have anything to say to her?”

Yes. Binah showed me a pastry on a plate, and her mum, Lynn, eating it.

I described this to Lynne. She didn’t get the significance.

So, I said to Binah, “What does this mean?”

Binah said, “With your next dog, don’t be stingy with the treats!”

Lynne laughed.  She said, “Tell Binah we had to keep her trim!”

Binah laughed too.

Binah knew what would lighten her Mum’s grief. Understanding is a verb.

Katie and Richie have a knack for finding super-cool spotted dogs. Their dog, Makani is a Visla and Australian Shepherd mix who is so fleet and fast that it’s hard to count her spots.

Makini

They started looking for a playmate for Makani, and found a sweet dog named Allie Pocket.

Here’s when Makani and Allie met.

They’ve since become buddies.

Allie’s Early Days

Allie is about four months old. She was at a shelter from her puppyhood, then stolen by someone for about six weeks, then dumped back at the shelter. Then she was adopted by Katie and Richie.

In the same week that I heard about the theft of Allie from the shelter, I heard about a completely unrelated dog shelter thievery in another state. This dog was brought back and dumped too. Very disturbing.

Allie Contracts Parvo

Anyway, Allie’s new family had her about a week or so, when she got sick. During that time that she had been stolen from the shelter, she had picked up the Parvovirus.

Parvo is about 80% fatal in puppies who are not vaccinated, but only 20% fatal in those who have been vaccinated.

Allie and Katie

She had been in the local hospital’s ICU for a couple of days when Katie called me. Allie was to the point where she wouldn’t even lift her head up anymore. It looked like the end.

Katie said, “Could you please talk with her? I’m not sure that she knows what’s going on.”

I tuned into this little pup. She felt very sick, and she had the energetic distortion that comes when a soul is disconnecting from the body. I had only felt this a few times before, like when a friend’s cat caught a baby bunny in the yard,  and we helped that bun pass over.

Energetic distortion feels terrible to the communicator. It feels like you’re touching a live wire. It’s not a good sign of prognosis.

She was also quite scared, though not scared to talk with me. That was an encouraging sign.

Allie didn’t understand why she was at the hospital or what these people were doing to her.

She felt sick, but she thought that maybe these people were making her that way.

She knew that Katie was really upset, but she thought that it was because Allie had been taken away from her and put here in this place and Katie was trying to get her out.

She missed her new family, and she thought that she’d never get back home to live with them.

She was giving up.

I sat with her a bit, in my mind. I just gently sat with her, and then I said,

“Well, actually, your body is sick, and these people are here to make you better, and when you feel better you get to go home to your mommy and daddy and Makani.”

She said, “I don’t know how to make myself better.”

I said, “You don’t have to know. Your body will do that on your own.”

She paused for a minute, and then she asked, ”Do you think I will get better?”

I knew the odds against her were pretty high. But, I felt like she’d make it.

I said, “Yes, I think so. I think you will get better and then you will go home and it will be very good.”

I sent her pictures of her playing in the yard with Makani, and snuggling with Katie and Richie.

Allie said that she didn’t like the smells of this place, and that she missed the smells of her family. I told her that I’d ask Katie to bring in a t-shirt or a blanket that smelled like them.

Then I disconnected for a few minutes. I was feeling sick to my stomach from her parvo.

I tuned back in, to find a lighter, happier dog. She felt more hopeful. The energetic distortion was gone.

Allie and Richie

Allie Turns the Corner

Allie made the choice to stay. She asked the questions and took the brave step of believing that she could get well.

That night, Katie visited and Allie lifted up her head, and ate some food. Katie gave her a blanket that she had rubbed all over Makani and Richie and herself. Allie buried her nose in it and soaked in all those good smells of her family.

The doctors went ahead with a plasma transfusion.

Katie hired Ming and Candy at Reiki Fur Babies to provide healing to Allie.

Ming said that Allie told her how much she loved her mama. I burst into tears when I heard this. Sweet little puppy.

Allie Goes Home

I didn’t hear from Katie for a day or two, and then I got a note saying that Allie was home!

She is still possibly contagious for the next 10 days, so they’ve cordoned off half their house, and separated these two bouncy dogs.

But..Allie is home, and she is recovering and soon she and Makani will get to play together.