We’re going through this right now, as our college-aged kid has moved out of the house.

Four out of five of our pets are fine with it. Our dog, Olive, is not.  Nobody consulted her about Rubin’s move.

Olive has suddenly forgot how to be house-trained, and she’s needy, needy, needy. She needs her blankie. She needs to sit between my sweetheart and I on the couch every evening. She needs lots of attention. Her boy is gone and she is needy.

Olive

Ugh. It breaks my heart.

So I’m going to take 5 posts to explain to you how I’m helping my pet, and how you can help yours through times of transition.

The Five Stages of Change

There are five stages of change that we all go through, whenever a change occurs. You have to go through them all. You don’t get to skip any. If you skip one of these steps, life will be difficult.

They are:

The Calm/Stuck
This is the stage before the change. Either you are in a lull in your life, or you are preparing for the change.

The Boom
This is the change.

Coming to Terms
This is where you bring all the parts back together from the change, and make sure that you’re okay. This is also the part where you say goodbye to the things that you are leaving behind.

Chaos/Creation
This is the craziness that ensues as you start living in your changed world

The New Thing
This is where you start to feel the rhythm of the new life that you are leading.

Change can be positive or negative, but it’s usually both

Change is emotional. The Boom can be positive (I won a million dollars!) or negative (my cat moved away!). It’s usually both. There are usually good and bad things about every change.

People and Pets are the Same

They feel very similar things at each point of the change.

Pets and humans react according to their natural logic with change. So, you might decide that you need a cocktail or to go for a run upon learning that your company is relocating you to Pittsburgh.

Your dog may need to eat the sofa to relieve the stress that he’s feeling. It’s the same thing.

They do the same things we do. Their logic may be different than ours.

For example, these days, Olive is pooping in the house. Who used to walk her? Rubin, the kid who moved out. Are other people walking her? Of course. With her logic, if she poops in the house, maybe Rubin will come home and walk her.

This logic is maddening! If your pet is stressing from a change and doing weird things, take a look at their logic. Compare it to how you react with a change. You’ll probably find some similarities.

We’re going to spend the next 10 days exploring each stage. I’m going to give you advice about how to handle each stage as it comes, for you and your pet, and also, for how to interact with your pet.

Stage One: The Prechange, the calm or the stuck

This is what happens before the change.
Maybe, you’ve planned the change, or maybe the change is unbidden.
If this isn’t a planned change, and if you pay attention, you can feel the air thicken. You might be able to tell that something is going to change, but you also might wonder what exactly is going to happen. This can feel scary.

Pets often know that something is going to happen long before we do. We’ve seen animals get crazy before a storm approaches. Change works the same way.

Or they know that something is going to happen before we show signs of it. I hear this from my clients a lot: How does my pet know that we’re going on vacation before I even get the suitcases out?

Pets are sensitive to changes in energy. They aren’t always so good at making a correlation between the energy they feel and a cognitive understanding of the change that is about to occur. That is, they know something is up, but they’re never quite sure what that something is…

So, for example, if you’re pregnant, they might understand that your lap is changing, and also that you are, ahem, emotional. They probably don’t get that you’re about to bring a new person into the world.

How to help your pet before the change

If you know about the change, this is a really important time!

You need to do four things:
1. Keep the same routine
Try to feed your pet at the same time. Or let them out the same way you usually do. Pets need normalcy. If you feel like you don’t have a routine, look to see what kind of routine you have before you go about implementing a routine. Odds are, you have a routine, you’re just not aware of it. Do that routine!
2. Talk to your pet about the change
Really. With words. From your mouth. Be reassuring. Let them know about how things will be the same and how they will be different. Repeat this often. Let it sink in.
3. Plan an easy transition for the change for your pet
If you’re having a baby, let the pet see the baby’s room. Bring home something from the hospital that smells like the baby. Plan how your pet is going to meet the baby. Plan, plan, plan!
4. Don’t worry
Relax. It’s going to be all right. Often, since our pets can pick up our energy, but aren’t so great about context, they will know that you are worried about something, but have no idea what exactly you are worried about. This is stressful.

If you don’t know about the change, but see a bit of a dip in your pet’s daily behavior, you need to do three things.
1. Keep the same routine
2. Add some extra nurturing
Play a little more ball. Give your pet a massage. Spend more time at home. This is a time to build them up.
3. Don’t worry.

You’ll notice that two of the things are the same for both lists. Easy, do-able, they just take some focus and effort.

How We Helped Olive Before the Change

Her boy, Rubin, just moved across town, so he comes over for dinner at least once a week. And she hasn’t really forgiven him yet.

Hindsight is 20/20, and that’s why I’m sharing this with you!

Okay, that’s today’s post. Stay tuned for Sunday when I talk about how to deal with your pet during The Boom!

God bless the folks who take in animals from difficult situations.   Tasha recently took in a horse from a couple who were evicted from their house.  They were going to send for her as soon as they were settled in their new home.

These folks were hoarders. They had as many as 28 horses on their little acre of land. That’s crazy.  The husband drank a lot, and had little patience.  They raised horses, but you know, they didn’t so much raise them as let them grow up like weeds.

Two months passed without a word, and finally, when she called to say, “Hey, what’s happening here?”  The couple said, “You can keep her.”

Which was a big relief to Tasha, because she loves this horse, and didn’t want to send it on to the dysfunction that is occurring in this couple’s life.

This is a picture of Shay on her first day at Tasha’s.

Everything was great during those first 2 months.  Tasha didn’t do much with her new horse friend, Shay.  She just fed her and gave her attention.  Then after she found out that she was keeping her, Tasha decided to try to work with her.

Now, Tasha is a sweet, gentle, horsewoman. She also takes no b.s. from her horses.  She’s not abusive. She is firm.

So when Shay started acting ugly during their first training session, Tasha said, “We don’t act that way.”  And Shay decided to throw a huge temper tantrum. She turned around and sent two feet into Tasha’s direction, narrowly missing her face.

Then she bucked and kicked and snorted and lost her little horsey mind.

And Tasha called me.

Shay and I talked for a long time.  We talked about how much she missed her old owners.  She didn’t know where they had gone. She didn’t understand why she was at Tasha’s.  She missed them. They were the only people she knew.  She thought that maybe she had done something to deserve this move.

I was surprised by this.  At the same time she was talking about missing them, she was telling me about how being worked with is painful because you get hit on the back and shoulders with a cane.

She said she was confused by what Tasha wanted.  I explained the give and take of a good horse relationship, and how Shay didn’t need to worry about being hit.

What is it like to be listened to?

I showed Tasha and Shay having a back-and-forth conversation, through body language, through the natural intuitive communication we all do everyday (though most of us are not aware of it).

Shay said, “What is it like to be listened to?”

She was very serious.  She had no idea.  I told her that when somebody listens to you, they take your thoughts and ideas in.  And part of being listened to is being a good listener.

She was thrown by this whole idea.  She was a little overwhelmed by the responsibility.

We talked about horses. Shay knows how horses behave. And horses are great listeners.  I said, “People can be the same way.”

Shay asked for two things.  She asked that Tasha never use a lunge whip near her.  That she never ever have in her hand that Shay could be hit with.  She also asked that Tasha approach her the way horses approach one another,  in a circular fashion, not in the straight line of a predator.

Tasha also owns Shay’s sister, Izzy. She’s owned Izzy for years.  When I mentioned the lunge whip to Tasha, she said, “Oh yeah, Izzy trained me about the lunge whip years ago.  Whenever I have anything like that in my hand, Izzy grabs it from me and throws it on the ground and stomps on it!”

Tasha readily agreed to no lunge whip and also to walking in circles.  I think they are going to build a great relationship together.

When new animals come into our care, they can have very complex emotions about the people they are leaving. No person is all good or all bad.  Grief is part of the process.  It doesn’t mean the animal is bad or damaged. It just means that the animal is hurting.  As new owners of these pets, it’s our job and our honor to support them in this process, and where necessary, to teach them how to have relationships.

As an intuitive animal communicator, I talk with pets of all kinds, and wild animals too. I work with people and their pets to solve behavioral issues and improve their relationships.

Olive and Bridget Pilloud

When I talk with an animal, it’s a multi-media experience.

I hear words.

I see pictures and movies.

Animals send me smells.

They send me tastes (lucky me! I know what fresh mouse tastes like. It is nothing like chicken).

I feel the emotions of animals.

I feel their physical sensations.

It’s always interesting!

Animals tell me about their lives with previous owners. They tell me what they like and don’t like. They tell me how much they love their owners. They tell me the details that matter to them.

Communication Wherever You Live

I’ve got clients from Singapore to Seattle…From Washington D.C. to Wales to Finland.  I can talk with with animals anywhere.  I use phone and Skype primarily to talk with owners.  If you live local to Portland, I work in-person as well.

Hire Me!

Get to know your pets better. Schedule a Consultation Today!

A Conversation with Misty

A few weeks ago, I spoke with a wonderful passed-over horse named Misty. Misty was very busy in heaven. Her mom wanted to make sure she was okay and also to understand her sudden passing.

Misti the Destiny Maker

Misty showed me a horse auction.  Horse auctions are frenetic, upsetting places.

I asked, “Are you on the other side?”

She said, “I am.”

I asked, “Are there horse auctions on the other side?”  (I was really worried at this point.)

She said “Oh, no, of course not.  I’m working at a horse auction making sure this horse gets bought by that person.”

I saw a small, liver colored quarter horse, nervously shifting from one foot to the other.  He was frightened.

He didn’t know at that point that he would be adopted by a family that would provide a decent, loving home to him.

As humans, we know a little about destiny. We think that the stars align. Here’s a horse showing me destiny in process.

I said “This is your job?”

Misty said, “Yes. I am a destiny-maker.”

***

This weekend, I was working with a teenaged people client, who is going through a very hard time. I use my intuitive gifts to understand conscious and unconscious beliefs and to heal the energetic body. This enables people to work through their problems, and move forward in their lives with ease and grace.

Anyway, this young lady was at a very difficult place in her life. She felt unloved. She felt unlovable. Her root chakra was a dark, grey empty tomb of a room.

So, we worked on this. My client and Creator and I facilitated healing. Her energetic body felt a lot better.

At the very end of the session, I got the message, “She needs horse energy.”

I had NEVER heard of horse energy.  I’ve been around healing horses (and dogs and cats), but I’ve never considered that each species may have an energy that’s useful in and of itself.  Yes, I know about totems. I thought it was mostly metaphor.

So, I talked with my reiki practiioner friends, Ming and Candy, who are also treating this teenager.

I said, “She needs horse energy. Can I hook you up with a horse to do reiki with?”

Ming and Candy use a cat from the other side, Sophie, to facilitate reiki healing sometimes. Why not try a horse?

Ming said, “Sure. Do you know of any?”

I thought about Misty. Would Misty bring horse energy to this person?

I contacted Misty.  I said “I know somebody who needs horse energy.”  I said it the way you order something at a restaurant that you’ve never tried before and know nothing about. Like, “I’d like to order the crawfish?”

Yeah.

Misty said, “That’s not my charter. You need to talk to Parker.”

Parker

She introduced me to a horse named Parker. Parker is a beautiful Overo stallion, black and white with a few errant speckles here and there.  I said “Um…I know a person who needs horse energy.”

Parker said, “Somebody needs horse energy? Let’s hook them up.”

I showed him the client. Then I showed him Ming and Candy.  ”Could you work with these two?”

Parker said, “I will work with them, and we will also provide more horse energy.”

“Thank you!” I said.

Parker knew and understood what I meant when I asked for horse energy.

I asked what he meant,.

Parker said, “It is the power of the hoof (he stomped). It is standing up for what you believe in. It is the knowledge that you are part of something strong, unbreakable.”

Perfect for the vulnerable, unlovable teenager.

The Outcome

Ming and Candy sent reiki to the client the next night. Ming called on Parker to provide horse energy. Ming saw bolts of red lightning. Her hands got extremely hot.

The teenager feels better. She’s making better choices. Time will tell what horse energy will bring her.

I am going to spend more time meditating on horse energy.

Another Horse Energy Definition

Ming sent me this quote from Animal Speak by Ted Andrews:

Horse is a dignity that is impossible to diminish. Even
pulling a plow or bearing the meanest burden, Horse maintains a noble bearing.
Horse has shouldered his burdens without surrendering his essential nature. Even after his thousands of years of servitude when let loose to run wild
Horse becomes in a very short time the untamed spirit he was destined to be.
Perhaps this is Horse’s greatest medicine, the knowledge that no matter what we
have borne in the past, there always exists in us the waiting seed of our true
selves. Horse shows us how to carry our burdens with
ease and with dignity, but more importantly, he shows us that we are always and
forever free.

I’d love to hear your experiences with horse energy!

We are a long way yet from riding down the trail together, but that’s okay.

Ed

If you’ve read about Ed before, you know that he was abused as a younger horse. You’ll know that he doesn’t much care for humans.

You will understand that I have torn my hair out and cried and given up and then come back and tried again.

I’ve questioned whether I was really helping or was just prolonging his emotional pain by keeping him here.

So, yesterday I walked up to the gate with treats in hand. He and his friends Oba and Mick came over and ate carrots out of my hand. I wondered if he’d stay and let me pet him over the gate.

When the treats were gone, he shooed Mick and Oba away. He let me pet his neck. He nibbled on my sweater. He licked my hands like a dog. We stood there for about a half hour together.

Most people with horses want to “do something” with their horses.

I was tempted to pull him out of the pasture, and scrape the mud off his back, rub his coat, condition his mane, brush out his tail.

I knew he didn’t want that. He wanted me to pet him on his neck, not as far as his ears and to just be there with him.

I was impatient, and not sure what to do. I am not good at standing still.

I said, “Ed, what are we doing?”

He said, “We’re passing the peace.”

We stood like that for quite a while, and then he asked me to sing to him.

I said “You don’t really want to hear me sing.”

Ed said, “Yes, I do.”

So I did. I sang some little song and after awhile he said, “Yeah, okay, you were right. You can stop.”

So I stopped and we stood together.  We remembered when we lived on a farm together and how much we liked that. He showed me his teeth. He did this little move that horses do when they want you to know that they are little. He smacked his teeth and stuck his tongue out.

He asked me to rub the other side of his neck.  He smelled my breath. He breathed on me. He let me touch his soft nose, and pick the guck out of his eyes.

I took out my phone and took pictures of him and he didn’t like that. He wanted to know what i was going to do with this pictures, and whether I was thinking of selling him. We’d tried that route before, twice.

I said “No, I want people to see what you look like now.”

He didn’t like that idea too much. He didn’t know who would care about Ed. He questioned my motives, and then he settled into my answer of “You’re my horse and I love you and other people care.”

I asked him what he does all day. Does he pass the peace with the horses here?

He said, “Yes, I pass the peace, and I spend time with Oba. She makes me happy.”

Oba is a two-year old strawberry roan who is a little too big for her britches.

And then it was time to go. I found a forgotten carrot on the ground and gave it to him. I told him I’d be out this week. He asked me to come back, and then he waited at the gate to see if I might change my mind, turn around and pet him some more.

Most people want to ride their horses, want to train their horses, want to exact a behavior from their horses. I have that urge too.  I’d like to be taking him around an arena. I’d love to see him jump.

But, if he was that kind of horse now, we’d be missing what we did yesterday.

I left feeling at peace. I left not worrying about Ed and whether he was in emotional pain. I left with our tenuous friendship intact and possibly even a little improved.

I stopped at the house to talk with the barn’s owner, Janie. She was excited to tell me that Ed was letting her touch him now. That he was coming up for a few pets at dinner time. Ed has lived here 11 months, and has decided that Janie is okay.

Some victories are quietly won.

Aroone

Horse humor is like the humor of 6th grade boys.

Phil and Elyse

Jay

Here’s what Emily says about Jay’s life with her:

We’ve
competed in Halter,Showmanship, Western Pleasure, Huntseat Pleasure, Team Penning, Barrels, Extreme Equestrian Race and Competitive Trail Riding.He was also the mascot for my high school, my senior year. We
have trained for Roping, Reining, Dressage and Hunter Over Fences. We have ridden miles upon miles of trails and parades,pushed cattle and ran on the beach. He has seen numerous boarding stables, boyfriends and
lesson students and has been a part of my own boys’ childhood.

I recently learned that the average horse goes through 12 owners during their lifetimes. It’s such a good feeling to know a horse who found his forever home as a youngster.

I asked Jay what he thought about being ridden again. He said he would love it if Emily saddled up and rode him again. Then he gave me a lecture on the importance of good posture. He said that he hoped that Emily would ride with a  straight, but relaxed back. He showed me a picture of her sitting on his back, and him turning his head and looking up at her. He’s saying “Are you a bag of groceries? No? Don’t sit like one!”